


aloë

by himjongs



Category: GOT7
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Out of Character, Purple Prose, Short One Shot, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-08 11:43:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17385857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himjongs/pseuds/himjongs
Summary: Jinyoung likes the finer things in life. Jaebum wants him to have them.





	aloë

**Author's Note:**

> this is a revamp of a taohun I wrote a while back. a oneshot that reads like a drabble. please enjoy.

It all starts with a coat. It's early autumn when Jaebum sees it in the window of a department store on his way home. A simple dark grey wool with large black buttons. _Jinyoung would like that coat_ , he thought _and he'd look good in it too_. The mannequin is about his height and stature. Gucci is his favorite.  

 

Jaebum calculates the money in his savings while waiting for the bus, kicking away leaves that have yellowed and fallen. The weather is getting cold and damp. Jinyoung would need something to keep him warm.

 

He arrives home to find Jinyoung smiling up at him from the worn futon that doubled as a sofa, wrapped in a blanket. Something native to Jinyoung's hometown is cooking, a smell Jaebum is familiar with, but can't quite put a finger on. He can only be happy that Jinyoung always cooks on his days off.

 

"Hi." Jinyoung greets him with a kiss and Jaebum can't help but notice how cold his nose is. He follows Jinyoung into the kitchen where he checks the food and warms his hands over the steaming pots.

 

Yes, he would need that coat.

 

Jaebum pours himself a glass of water. "It's chilly in here."

 

"I know. Today was especially cold,” he says absentmindedly. “I aired out the house this morning for a few minutes and it's been freezing ever since. These windows are so thin."

 

"Why didn't you turn on the heater?" Jaebum places his now empty glass on the counter and crosses his arms.

 

Jinyoung looks at him briefly before turning back to the stove. "I just didn't want to."

 

\---

 

"I've got lunch today," Jackson says reaching into his back pocket. It's their last stop before lunch and Jaebum suggests street food. A little pick me up for a Wednesday.

 

Waste management is not as bad as it seems. Once you get used to the smell, it's a breeze. Jaebum drives, leaving Jackson to collect the bags from the curbs. It's a sigh and hum sort of job.

 

When they initially met, Jaebum assumed Jackson was only good for running his mouth and getting them free coffee. After a few months of stern talking to's, he's turned around a bit. Now he knows when to stay quiet. Like when they pick up an early shift. Jaebum isn't fond of doing much while it's still dark and cold out, especially talking.

"You sure?" Jaebum asks for the third time while they wait in line. "You bought lunch yesterday."

 

"Yeah man. I feel like I've got a bonus coming."

 

Jaebum laughs loud and dry. "If anything we deserve a raise. I wouldn't count on a bonus,” he mumbles taking off his gloves and lining them up perfectly together before stuffing them in his pocket. “If Yugyeom has one more accident the city will go bankrupt from workers comp."

 

"Two please." Jackson says to the women handing out egg toast. "I don't see why they don't fire his ass."

 

They take a seat under the tent because quite frankly they feel too old to appreciate the sun. Jackson hums as though a thought had just come to his mind and Jaebum waits for him to swallow his food. "Still thinking about getting that coat for your boy?"

 

"Thinking about it, yep," Jaebum says. "I want to get it, but it'll set me back a pretty penny."

 

"That's for sure.” Jackson nodded. He pushed his sandwich aside and began stirring the soup he bought as an afterthought. “Hell, the most I've ever spent on someone was about five bucks on a pack of cigarettes."

 

"You haven't been with anyone for the length of time it takes to smoke a pack of cigarettes."

 

"That's true." Jackson laughs, banging his fist on the table a few times before scooping out a spoonful of  soup to shovel into his mouth.

 

Jaebum shakes his head and sighs. "Then again, I'm not sure how he'll react."

 

"What do you mean? I thought he was used to shit like that."

 

"He is.” Jaebum cleared his throat. “Just not from me." He sets his sandwich down, no longer in the mood to eat. "Well," he says with finality. "Here's to the week ending soon." He raises his paper cup and Jackson mirrors him.

 

"Here here."

 

\---

 

"Where'd you get that?" Jaebum tries to sound casual as he observes Jinyoung wrapping a grey and navy, chevron striped scarf around his neck. He slips his hands into his pockets and takes a seat on the arm of their futon.

 

"My boss." Jinyoung smiles a little. "It's an early Christmas present, remember? I told you about it."

 

Jaebum forced a breath through his nose that was meant to sound like a laugh. "Guess it slipped my mind."

 

"It's not like that." Jinyoung holds the fringed end of the scarf close to his chest. "I had just kind of had my eye on it for a while and it was the last one in stock so-"

 

"Yeah, I mean I was just asking. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Kihyun is a nice enough guy. I trust you."

 

Jinyoung nods. "Thanks."

 

"It looks good on you."

 

"Thank you." He slips on his shoes and heads for the door.

 

"Have a good day at work," Jaebum calls.

 

"I will. Thanks." He steps out and quietly closes the door behind him.

 

Jaebum kind of hates that Jinyoung works at an upscale department store where he can't afford any of the items he pours over in fashion magazines. The things Jaebum can't afford to buy him. It stings to watch him wrap a scarf another man bought him around his neck. The same way it hurts when Jinyoung slips on something his ex bought him.

 

Keys jingle and Jinyoung rushes back inside to kiss him on the lips. "I love you," he says softly, searching Jaebum’s eyes. For what, Jaebum isn’t sure.

 

"I love you too." He takes him by the cheeks and returns the press of lips. "Now go, you'll be late."

 

A car can wait, Jaebum decides. He’ll get him the coat.

 

\---

 

Jaebum quickly pulls his gloves off when he receives a text. His coveralls hang around his waist as he makes his way to the bungalow to clock out. He gives the secretary, Youngjae an apologetic look when he grabs a pen from his cup and scribbles the number he just received on the back of a business card. "You don't mind if I use the phone do you?"

 

Youngjae rolls his eyes and pushes the phone toward him. Jaebum carefully dials the number looking between the card and the keypad after each digit and bringing the receiver up to his ear. Again smiling politely at the secretary while he waits.

 

The phone trills endlessly before going to voicemail. "Damn it. No answer," he mumbles and slams the phone down.

 

\---

 

The box is medium sized and neatly wrapped in gold paper with a matching bow. It's got a good weight on Jaebum's lap. Heavy enough to keep him steady in his bus seat. The transaction made him lightheaded. Not only because he had just spent twenty-five hundred dollars on a single clothing item, but he felt out of place in the store. Like everyones eyes were on him and knew he didn’t belong. Ill feelings aside, he is confident that his experience will not be in vain once Jinyoung falls completely in love with the coat.

 

Jaebum is officially broke, but joyful. The look on Jinyoung's face when he sees his new coat is a sight he can not wait to see.

 

\---

 

"Babe you're home," Jinyoung calls before Jaebum can even see him.

 

Jaebum chuckles, the excitement now bubbling up in his stomach as he walks down the hall.  


"Where are you?"

 

"In here." Jinyoung appears from the kitchen with a smile and a kiss. "Oh, what's that?"

 

"What's what?"

 

"This." He points. "The box."

 

"What box?"

 

"Don't play around, Jaebum," Jinyoung shakes him by the shoulders. "Is it for me?"

 

"Yes," says Jaebum after kissing him again. "It's for you."

 

Jinyoung smiles wide and it sends a jolt of happiness through Jaebum as he hands the box over.

 

"Thank you," he sings.

" _Open it._ "

 

Jinyoung holds the box near his ear, giving it a good shake. "What is it?" He moves to the table fit for two and places the box down, looking at it from all sides. "It's so elegant I don't even want to unwrap it," he mutters pulling off the bow and carefully ripping the paper.  

 

" _Jaebum,_ " he breathes. The coat is pulled from the box in all its majesty. Jinyoung looks back at him incredulously. "Jaebum, how much was this?” He pleaded, pressing the fabric to his chest. “No. Don't say anything,” he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before looking at Jaebum sternly. “I know how much this was. Take it back. _"_

 

Jaebum frowns, taking a seat on the couch. "So you don't like it?" He throws his hands in confusion.

 

"I do, but..."

 

Jaebum clenches his teeth. Tries hard to hold his composure. To keep some sense of pride although he feels like he’s drowning in humiliation. With his chin is held high, he says, "Go on, tell me I can't afford it."

 

Jinyoung lowers his head, running a hand down the thick wool. "It's not that, Jaebum."

 

"Then keep it, Jinyoung." He huffs.

 

"I can't," Jinyoung insists, eyes wide with pity, urging Jaebum to undo something that should have never been done.

 

There is a heavy silence between them. Each of them waiting for the other to admit something he had no intention to. Jaebum gets up and walks past Jinyoung toward their bedroom. Stopping just short of the doorframe, he turns back to look him in the face.

 

"It's a gift from my heart," Jaebum confesses carefully before disappearing into the bedroom, the lock clicking behind him.

 

\---

 

The opportunity to be tender with someone is not something one should take for granted. Jaebum kisses Jinyoung's knuckles while they wait at Sindorim Station. From there they would ride twenty minutes to Seoul. Desert is discussed in length, Jinyoung argues he can grab a boxed cake and turn it into something just as good as what they sell in the bakery up the block. Jaebum doesn't doubt him, he just really wants to treat him out.

 

They take up the back of the train car, tucked away in a corner. Jinyoung laughs a lot and it's strangely refreshing the way it erases the dreariness of a long work week.

 

While they wait, Jinyoung mentions how much he likes winter. "Evening comes faster,” he explains. “And everything is navy blue and bright lights. Nights seems to go on forever.”

 

Jaebum listens intently while he goes on about things like work and how he'd like to get a hold of a couple of books that have recently been translated into Korean.

 

They don't talk about the coat.

 

Back at home, tissues are always bedside because Jaebum is often tired after work. Therefore, all they can afford is half-awake deep kisses while they jerk each other off. Another sense in which Jaebum fails to provide what Jinyoung needs.

 

\---

 

Jaebum gets up early Saturday- begrudgingly. The shower head is broken again and Jinyoung needs it fixed, _“Now,”_ he grits his teeth pushing back shampooed hair.

 

 _"_ Alright, I'll fix it, _"_ Jaebum grumbles. Blankets are kicked away as he curses under his breath. He will have to borrow a wrench from the neighbors. Which he gets easily enough, it's just that asking is such a hassle. He slips the wrench into his jacket pocket and pulls on his hood. The nearest phone booth is around the corner.

 

He double checks the booth each time he approaches it to make sure the phone has not been removed. A thinning elderly man from his building is out walking his shaggy dog. It's brown fur comically coordinates with his pants and golf hat. Leftover coins from his and Jinyoung's Friday evening train ride are inserted and Jaebum waits for the automated operator's instructions.  


Between each ring is the rushing sound of passing cars and still there is no answer.

 

Jinyoung calls on his cell wanting to know what's taking so long.

 

\---

 

The only bathroom in their apartment is in the bedroom, so guests aren't usually invited over. But Jinyoung has a soft spot for what he calls _mini pot lucks_ , which are really just nights when he invites his coworkers over for dinner.

 

BamBam and Kihyun arrive with large smiles and loud voices. They always dress to the nines no matter the occasion. Long coats, pressed shirts and slacks, hair neatly parted. Jinyoung fits in with them so easily, greeting each kiss-to-cheek, beckoning them inside.

 

Jaebum lingers in the tiny foyer, anticipating the inevitable firm handshake.

 

It feels stuffy to him when more than the two of them are present. The movement and chatter coupled with added body heat are uncomfortable, but Jinyoung loves it. Insists that he have these nights because he is an only child and get togethers make him feel like he has lots of family. He loves being surrounded by people.

 

They have to climb in and out of the kitchen window onto the oversized fire escape to grill the beef Kihyun bought. Jaebum hums and does his best to mingle while passing out beers and drinking two for himself. Jinyoung shakes his head at him and suggests they use the community grill on the rooftop.

 

Midnight blue gently hangs above them and lazily drifts down around them to meet the orange glow of the street lamps below. As they settle in to the assortment of lawn and folding chairs, Kihyun walks to the edge of the roof and lets out a long whistle. “Pretty nice view you got here.”  
  
“Yeah it’s not bad at all,” Jinyoung replies, while organizing dishes on the small card table before him. “Jaebum picked this place because of the view of the river.”

 

“Can’t pronounce Givenchy, but has good taste in affordable real estate. Damn Jinyoung, who would’ve thought dating a local would have its perks.” Kihyun eases into a chair opposite him, grinning. His smile softens the handsome edge of his face and his bangs separated down the middle in a wispy heart add an air of innocence to him that Jaebum feels he can’t touch.  

 

Jinyoung laughs nervously and throws an arm around Jaebum’s shoulder. “Hey, he’s well versed in many other matters. Right, Jaebum?” He asks rubbing his back.  
  
Jaebum can feel Jinyoung’s desire to get him to look back at him, heavy and alarming, but he only squeezes his thigh to say _yeah, I know you’re here for me._  


Jaebum purses his lips and hangs his head, quiet for the rest of the night, knowing full well the old him would have knocked Kihyun clean off the roof.  


\---

 

Jaebum declines Jinyoung's offer to hit the mall, but promises he will be waiting for him in the pavilion at 3:30 for lunch.

 

They sit on the patio beneath a large umbrella. Jinyoung compliments Jaebum's clothes. "You always look good in a white t-shirt and jeans." Jaebum nods, never good at taking compliments and Jinyoung laughs at him.

 

"I got some really good deals," he says over his steamed vegetables. A glance is spared at the two bags near his feet.

 

Jaebum nods. "That's good."

 

"Don't sound so interested." Jinyoung rolls his eyes and takes a bite of grilled chicken.

 

"I'm interested." Jaebum thanks the waitress that walks by and fills their glasses with water. "I'm listening." He gestures for Jinyoung to go on.

 

"Never mind. Let's change the subject. You hate talking about shopping."

 

"Okay, Jinyoung." Jaebum exhales loudly and takes a sip of his water.

 

Tension wedges itself between them, it’s prickly presence digs into their deepest insecurities, wires their mouths shut and ties their hands.

  
Jinyoung still hasn’t worn the coat.

 

"Jaebum, about the coat-"

 

"You're keeping the coat."

 

"Let me finish.” He flattens his palms on the tabletop. “I just wanted to apologize."

 

"You don't have to. Almost ready?" He nods at Jinyoung's food as a signal to wrap it up.

 

Jinyoung sighs and sits back in his chair. "I guess so. It isn't all that great."

 

"I can tell. you hardly touched it."

 

“Well we just sat down,” he muttered under his breath.

 

“What was that?”  
  
  
“I said let’s go.”

 

\---

 

That evening would be remembered as bodies moving in and out of the train while Jinyoung slept with his head against the window. His fist was closed around his shopping bag even in his slumber. Jaebum felt a little bitter about him choosing the window over his shoulder. The glass must have been cold. He could offer warmth if nothing else.

  
"You fell asleep," Jaebum whispers into Jinyoung’s ear right before their stop. Jinyoung stretched, the stripes across his shirt making his chest look broader. Jaebum licked his lips. Jinyoung yawned into his palm.  
  
Jaebum wiped away the small trickle that left the corner of Jinyoung’s eye, took his hand, kissed his knuckles and pulled him up.

 

The two block walk back to their apartment was quiet. The air was cold. The kind of cold that left you wanting to be very still and quiet, keeping in as much warmth as possible.

 

"You go on up,” Jaebum says softly near Jinyoung’s hear, give his hand a squeeze. “I have to make a call."

 

"Who are you going to call?" Jinyoung frowns. The man with the brown hat and dog from the other day passes between them.

 

Jaebum makes a face that gives away his teasing more than his voice. "My new boyfriend."

 

Jinyoung moves forward to hit him with his shopping bag over and over.

 

"Stop." Jaebum ducks away, shielding himself with his arms. "Stop. I was kidding."

 

"Better be," Jinyoung grits.  

 

Jaebum smiles fondly at his reddened face. "Get inside, it's cold out here."

 

"Come up soon."

 

"Yeah."

 

When the lobby door is closed behind Jinyoung, Jaebum walks back they way they came, phone pressed to his ear.

 

This new number he's gotten usually rings five times before he is sent to voicemail, but he is certain it’s correct.

 

On the fourth ring a deep voice comes through. "Why do you keep calling me?"

 

"Mark," Jaebum says straight away, nearly breathless. "Don't hang up. I have a favor to ask you."

 

"What kind of favor would you need from me of all people?"

 

Jaebum hesitates, biting his lip and glancing over his shoulder before walking further away from his apartment. "It's more for Jinyoung."

 

"I'm listening."

 

\---

 

Flowers arrive at their door a week later. "Guess he had enough time to think," Jaebum mumbles to himself, taking the arrangement of delicate whites and greens to the table. When Jinyoung gets home his smile is anxious in both senses of the word.

 

"Babe, you got me flowers?" He engulfs Jaebum into a hug.

 

"Do you like them?" Jaebum has no idea what any of them are called, except for the couple of roses that are mixed in.  

 

"Yes." Jinyoung bumps him aside with his hip so he can pick them up himself. "But you could've wrote something in the card!" He looks back at Jaebum expectantly.

 

Jaebum's eyes widen slightly and he shrugs. "I couldn't think of anything."

 

"Ugh, so lazy." Jinyoung shakes his head and goes back to admiring the flowers. "At least you thought of me. _I guess_ it's the thought that counts, right?"

 

"That's what they say."

 

"I love you." Jinyoung smashes their lips together and Jaebum's can only hum in response. "And I love loving you." He pinches Jaebum's cheek.

 

"Me too."

 

"But you don't have to buy me things," he says pointing a finger directly at his face.

 

Jaebum playfully bites his finger, hoping his eyes don’t display the guilt that has burst into flames in his gut and is quickly spreading throughout his body. "I want to."

 

\---

 

The moment Mark picks up his call, Jaebum is on his case. "You could have given me some sort of heads up," he fumed.

 

"He got the flowers then?" There is definitely a smile in Mark’s voice.  
  
Jaebum feels a pang of jealousy. “Look don’t send him things here, okay?” He knew he would have to face some feeling of resentment and jealousy, but not this soon. “Not to my house.”  
  
Mark released a short exhale of amusement. “Yeah. Okay.”

  
“I mean it,” he says through clenched teeth.  
  
“You’re the fucking weirdo who called me practically begging me to take _my_ man back after you stole him from me now you want me to back off? Whatever you say, but you set yourself up for this, really.”  


“Just stick to what I said, asshole.”  
  
  
“Fuck you,” Mark barks before hanging up.

 

\---

 

Jaebum runs his fingers over the aloe vera plant Jinyoung has been nursing. It started out as a last ditch effort to soothe a burn he got a few months back. Now it just holds the window sill up.

 

"You've been making a lot of _calls_ lately." Jinyoung is dressed for work in black slacks and matching turtleneck. His slender body is leaned up against the window, the light entering behind him making his hardened expression difficult to see, but defined his body graciously.

 

Jaebum gets to his feet, strips away his clothes making a beeline for the bathroom. "I'm tired, Jinyoung. And you have to be at work soon."

 

"We need to talk," he calls turning his head toward the bedroom.

 

"Later."

 

\---

 

It’s Jaebum’s third time calling Mark’s phone and being sent straight to voicemail. He may very well be blocked. What little pride he has left won’t allow him to call again. It probably wasn’t in his best interest to start an argument with Mark, or contact him to begin with, but the deed was done and he couldn’t undo it.  
  
Not long before Jinyoung is to arrive home, Jaebum starts to think about what he’s doing. Asking Mark to try to get back with Jinyoung. It’s the hardest thing he’s ever done, but he doesn’t deserve Jinyoung. He’s out of Jaebum’s league. Well off, well educated and continuing that costly education only by the mercy of his parents who’ve otherwise shut off their financial faucet as encouragement for him to leave his “ _raggedy-ass boyfriend_ ” as they put it.  
And here Jaebum was dragging him down by begging him to shack up with a trash man on the lower outskirts of the city. It was just what he had to do, Jinyoung was a gift on borrowed time and now it was time to give him back. He’d never be good enough for him.

 

He runs out to the bookstore.

 

\---

Once Jinyoung gets home, Jaebum throws the blanket over his head and pretends to be asleep.

 

Light glows dimly through the comforter after Jinyoung flips the switch and shuts the bedroom door behind him. He hates sleeping with it open. "What the hell is this," he demands.

 

Knowing Jinyoung has spotted the shiny new hardcover on the nightstand, Jaebum squeezes his eyes shut. Tries to still his breathing.

 

“I know you’re not asleep.” He yanks the blanket out of Jaebum’s grip and off his head.  


Shamefaced and frizzy haired, Jaebum blinks away the light searing through his vision and mumbles, “Its the book you wanted. And candy hearts.”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t crack. “Who have you been running off to call all the time and don't lie to me.”

 

Smart enough to recognize defeat when it’s staring him in the face, Jaebum sits up. “Please don’t get too mad at me.”

 

“That depends on what you say next.”  


“Please, Jinyoung,” he asks sincerely.

 

Sighing heavily and resting a fist on his hip, Jinyoung begrudgingly relents. “Okay. Talk.”

 

His bag is still hanging from his shoulder, his golden name badge pinned to his shirt. A rare sight. He must have been so anxious to get home and talk about this. With his soft features hardened into tight lines the whole train ride home. Even like this, glaring at him and demanding answers, Jaebum can’t deny that he is preeminently handsome. And known to be heartbreakingly callous when upset.

 

Jaebum feels weak. He can’t tell him about Mark. Jinyoung will never forgive him. “I’m sorry.”  


“About,” he grits, nostrils flared lightly as he struggles to contain himself, “what?”     


“You already sound mad.”  


“Just tell me, Jaebum!”

 

“I was trying,” he paused to give Jinyoung some cushion to fall on. “To buy you something,” he says remorsefully.

.

“Of course. That figures.” Jinyoung throws his hands and nods in annoyance, turning to make for the bathroom.

  


"Babe, I'm sorry." Jaebum hops off the bed and pulls him by the waist. "Please forgive me."

 

Jinyoung tilts his head back against his shoulder and sighs. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "I don't want to fight, Jaebum."

 

"I know you don't."He kisses him on the neck. "I'm sorry."

 

"And you can't fix this with sex."

 

"I know.”He turns Jinyoung to face him. “And that's really not what I'm trying to do. I just love you so much and I got caught up in my own stupidity."

 

Jinyoung frowns, his eyebrows nearly touching. "I need you to say that you won't try to buy my love and mean it. Honestly, I can’t even comprehend why you think you need to when you already have it.”

 

Maybe this whole thing with Mark is stupid and he should make more of an effort to call it off. Jinyoung is worth way more than a few expensive items. And if jaebum is honest with himself he really loves him and wants the chance to make him happy forever. "I won’t. I promise. "

 

"Listen, I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but when Mark and I were together we did a lot of things, went a lot of places and had a lot of shit, but that's all we were. You and I are much more than that. And I want to keep it that way. If all I wanted in life was four hundred dollar shoes, I'd chase after that. I want you, Jaebum. You're a better partner than you think."

 

Jaebum is filled with a combination of guilt, affection and hope, but is leaning on the promise of making amends to get him through the night. “Let’s compromise. Please, just keep the coat. _Please_ ,” he repeats as Jinyoung is about to interrupt. “And I won’t be bothered by this stuff anymore, but keep it okay? Money comes and goes, but I just want you to have this one thing from me.”

 

Jinyoung thinks it over. Thankfully, not very long. “Okay,” he answers.

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yes.” he nods “Okay.”

 

Jaebum grins, pulling him closer. “Can I kiss you now?”

 

Jinyoung cracks his own smile. “Yes.”  
  
Jaebum captures his pink lips once tenderly then repeatedly until Jinyoung chuckles deep in his throat.

 

“And can I touch you now,” he beamed.

 

Jinyoung nods moving to sit on the edge of the bed, dragging Jaebum along with him. “Only if I can touch you first,” he added pulling down Jaebum’s pants.  
  
Everything will be fine. Jaebum will fix it before Jinyoung even gets the chance to figure out anything was wrong. Jaebum will fix it.

 

\---

 

It’s been four days since Jaebum lied to Jinyoung about what he’d been up to. Four days of walking circles around a bleak hole of guilt and falling into it at night. He can’t get in touch with Mark, but figures he probably moved on from his proposition as Jinyoung had shown no sign of speaking to him.  


Maybe if he ignored it and pretended to be happy it would go away.

 

\---  


Jaebum gets off work thinking he probably should have talked to Jinyoung about his insecurities. They were able to talk about anything except that and maybe the constant fear of losing him looming over him. Which was only in his head. He is now irritably aware that he was causing strain in his own relationship for no good reason.  
  
For now though, he puts it aside for a time when his mind is clear. He jogs inside his building. It’s getting colder and he imagines Jinyoung is probably out wrapped up in his coat. If he isn’t they could go out somewhere so that he could show it off.  


“Jinyoung,” he calls while removing his shoes. No answer. “Must be out.” He moves to the living room, habitually reaching for mail on the coffee table, but there is none. “Didn’t check the mail before he left,” he mutters to himself. They didn’t have assigned roles or chores, but Jinyoung usually brought the mail upstairs because Jaebum was inconsistent when it came to checking the box. He’d get it later.  
  
Jaebum heads to the kitchen to put a pot of coffee on so that he can enjoy a cup after his shower. “What the hell?” He quizzically stares at the empty space on the counter top, and spins around in the tiny kitchen, in search of the machine. He searches the cabinets and comes up with nothing.  
  
“Okay…” he says under his breath, getting his phone out of his back pocket to text Jinyoung.  


_honey im home, where are you? and more importantly wheres the coffee maker??_  
  
Jaebum hits send and opens his post-work playlist, eager for a hot shower. Worst case scenario, Jinyoung broke the machine and went out to get another one. Pulling off his shirt, he makes his way to the bathroom, singing along and turning on the shower.  
  
He placed his phone on the sink, waiting for the water to heat up. As he unbuttoned his jeans, he absentmindedly took in his reflection, the smooth music builds up to a bridge and he takes in a breath to belt out a long note. His eyes fall below the mirror and he notices his bright green toothbrush sitting alone in the cup on the sink.  
  
His high note deflates into an ugly confused sound and he whips around to find Jinyoung’s hygiene caddy near the laundry basket empty. He rips open the shower curtain and the expensive deep conditioner he was banned from using was gone too.  
  
Jaebum quickly turned off the water and rushed back into the bedroom, stomach quickly twisting into knots. His heart sinks when he sees that Jinyoung’s night stand is bare, his books and notepads cleared off, the wood wiped clean as if they were never there.  
  
Dread pumps through his veins as he turns to the dresser, pulling open each of Jinyoung’s drawers to find them all empty. He pulls open the closet to find much of the same. He clutches a knob, suddenly feeling lightheaded. “No,” he murmurs, running back to the sink to grab his phone.

 

Jinyoung hasn’t answered his text. With shaking hands, he pulls up his contact and calls him. “Please pick up. Please pick up,” he whispers into the room as he paces the floor. He eyes move around the apartment as he begins to notice that all sorts of things had vanished from the apartment. All of Jinyoung’s things.

 

“Hello?” Jinyoung’s icy voice may as well be a slap in the face.

  
“Jinyoung-ah, where are you?” Jaebum bites back the quiver in his voice. He feels sick.  
Sick sick sick to his stomach. Jinyoung is angry with him. Jinyoung is gone. It’s really happening.

 

“Are you serious,” he demands. “You called my ex?”

 

Trying to mask his sharp intake of breath, Jaebum clears his throat. He moves into the kitchen, pulling at his hair. _Fuck fuck fuck_ , he mouths. “He told you?”

 

“Yes, Jaebum. He told me everything and I am so... so,” he breathes heavily and Jaebum can imagine the hot tears pouring down his face. Jinyoung forces his voice out. “You really are as dumb as they say you are you know. I’m so disappointed in you. And moreover I’m _hurt_ and betrayed.”  


“Jinyoung.”

  
“How could you do something like this? Did you really feel like you couldn’t talk to me?” Did I make you feel like you couldn’t come to me?”

 

Jaebum is at a loss for words and can only emit a strangled noise.

 

“Answer me, god damnit!”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what else to do. I just want to give you what you deserve and I can’t.”

 

“Obviously,” he shouted into the receiver so loud that Jaebum pulled his phone away from his ear. “I deserve honesty and someone who loves me enough to get over himself and tell me how he feels, especially when it’s concerning me.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Jinyoung.” Jaebum tries to think of something to say. Anything. “I made a mistake.”

 

“Several,” he insisted. “You’ve made several mistakes.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”

 

“Stop saying you’re sorry,”Jinyoung barked. Both ends of the line were silent save for Jinyoung’s harsh breathing. Jaebum feared that any sound he made could sever their ties forever. Jinyoung sniffed. “You don’t know what love is, Jaebum.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Jaebum begged.

 

“I thought you did,” he continues as if Jaebum hadn’t said anything, “but you don’t.”

 

“I do. I love you so much, Jinyoung,” he began, his nerves so wrecked that he has to move to the bedroom to keep from staying in one place. “I was willing to let you go so you can live the life you want.”

 

“Life I want?” He laughed humorlessly. “I’m so sad because after two whole years you don’t know shit about me.”

 

“Babe-”

 

“I just need some time away from you,” confesses with such finality that Jaebum could feel his whole being tremble. He had to take a seat.

 

“So, you want to be with Mark?”

 

Jinyoung scoffs. “Jaebum, I…” Jinyoung huffs.

 

The line goes dead.

 

Jaebum falls to sit on the edge of his bed, empty drawers left open. He runs a hand through his hair, feeling more sad and stupid than he ever had in his life. “What the fuck did I do?”

 

It ends with a coat. Hanging abandoned on Jinyoung’s side of the closet.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading, please comment, subscribe and give me a thumbs up if you liked this video, twitter link will be in the description below. I got more coming soon okurrrr 
> 
> okay but seriously I usually don't like to tell people how to interpret my fics, but if you take something away from this, i hope that its something along the lines of- sometimes we’re our own worst enemies and getting out of our own heads can do some good. 
> 
> twitter: yiensyogurt


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